how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
why do cheetos always look like penises
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
porn star boner night. come get it.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
