Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
