ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
