I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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