there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
