You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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