You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
