for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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