i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
