just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
A+ Viking dick
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
