quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
