They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
