you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
