My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
