It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
