No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just gargled with NyQuil
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
