She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
