i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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