update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
