I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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