:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
