This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
