You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I can't put those talents on a resume
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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