She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
