I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
