New invention idea: vibrating tampons
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
