Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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