Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
