nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
