If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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