____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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