New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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