You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
