So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
