hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
