Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
