This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
