No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
