There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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