Will you blow on my dice?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
