Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
