why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
