I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
