So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
