Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
