I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
