New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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