i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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