i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
