I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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