I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Every concussion has its silver lining
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
