I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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